You are only asked to be REAL

Each of us have little lessons that we learn from our Mum's. One of the lessons my mum passed onto me was the notion that we are not asked to be perfect, only to be REAL. This lesson really struck home for me the other day when I running myself ragged trying to do 20 things perfectly and getting frustrated that none of it was going to plan.

The pressures of our lives can often leave us feeling like we have to be perfect. We might feel like we have to get everything right at work all the time, we have to have a clean house, a green and immaculate garden, a polished car, brilliant and fabulous relationships with everyone, and do all of this in between eating healthily and exercising regularly. And if we don't do all of this we might be unworthy. Unworthy of a promotion, unworthy of praise, even unworthy of acceptance from others.

You've fallen into this trap if you've ever thought:

• I wish I knew the ‘perfect' thing to say
• I wish I had the ‘perfect' job
• I just need the ‘perfect' outfit
• when our renovations are done our house will be ‘perfect'?

Sometimes in our search to be perfect we lose sight of our own uniqueness. Comparing ourselves to others who we think are perfect in some way we can fall into the trap of becoming something we are not. Oscar Wilde summed it up when he said "be yourself, everyone else is taken".
The reality is that we are all human beings and we are all flawed from time to time. It is one thing we have in common. There are times when we are less then perfect, when we lose it, when we make mistakes, when we stuff up, when our homes/cars/clothes are not quite ready for "House and Garden" to pop in for a photo shoot.

Instead of seeing these moments as ‘imperfections' that we have to change the reality is that these moments are what make us REAL as fellow human beings. People connect with others when they are real, humble and human. It is one of the things that unites us all.

Remember that you are not asked to be PERFECT but just to be REAL.

Best wishes,

Darren & Alison

Newfeeling day

Get a Newfeeling

On our fridge we have a postcard with the following question on it, a question I’d invite you to reflect on yourself:

'When was the last time you did something for the first time?'

Can you remember what it was? And when it was?

More importantly, can you remember what it felt like doing that new thing? Maybe it was exciting, thrilling, mixed emotions with a bit of apprehension, or even downright fear? This experience of doing something new, of doing something outside of your comfort zone often creates a range of emotions within us. Sometimes we avoid doing these things because we connect these emotions with words like ‘fear’, ‘uncertainty’, ‘apprehension’.

Rather than being held back from doing something new, something tough, or something you have been putting off for a long time because it was easier to stay in your comfort zone, one of the strategies suggested by Thought Leader Marty Wilson, is for us to change how we talk to ourselves about this new event.

Change the language and you change the feeling.

You see Marty Wilson is a stand up comic. As a comic does, they face nerves and worries each before they go on stage. Rather than talk about being ‘sh#t scared’ (as Marty so eloquently puts it) he started to re-label the feeling of nerves or apprehension to him experiencing a ‘new feeling’.

By changing the language he was able to better accept this response and still go out and deliver a great set. Marty’s eagerness to encourage individuals to step outside of their comfort zones has lead him to be the founder of “Newfeeling Day”.

“Newfeeling Day” was held on 1st September. I realise that we are sending this out after this date, but I passionately feel that it is an invaluable reminder of how important it is to be stretching yourself, stepping out of your comfort zone, and making sure that your language is not the one and only thing that is holding you back.

Get a newfeeling and maybe when you are next asked ‘when was the last time you did something for the first time’ your answer will be 'Just this morning'!!

Take the plunge,

Darren & Alison

The current fashion vs true currency

Have you ever done any renovations?

We had a tiler come around yesterday for a quote and got to talking about colour schemes and options to make our new bathroom look fabulous. We were confused, indecisive and a bit all over the place about what types, designs and themes we might consider, until Michael (the tiler) offered us some advice. “Don’t pick anything that will date.” He suggested. “Go with nice clean white simple tiles, you can always change your towels, plants etc to give yourself a new look. Terracotta was big in the 90’s, now...errghh!” he said face wrinkling in disgust.

It got me thinking, how often are we drawn into the latest ‘fancy’ style or pattern? The current fashion is ‘sparkly’, catches our attention andis the envy of others at the time, but it gets outdated. True currency on the other hand is like gold, it rarely loses its value and lustre. Many workplace systems and processes are fancy today. They look shiny, everyone wants it, but sure enough they date quickly, and the cost of an overhaul is considerable. Just like choosing basic (classic) white tiles for a bathroom, it is important to develop our basic skills at work, the skills that don’t have a use-by date.

These basic skills aren’t our technical skills either...technical skills change constantly! New software programs, understanding of legislative requirements etc; these technical skills (whilst essential) often become outdated and need constant refreshing. Our basic skills at work are our Human Skills. The reality is that whatever industry you workin, every business is a human business.

Consider these three Human Skills:
1. How do you build, maintain and repair trust?
2. Are you able to express your emotions to the right people, in the right way, at the right time?3. Can you identify what motivates yourself and others?

How we interact with other human beings is the one constant skill needed in every business and in every job. Invest time, effort and energy into building the basics of your Human Skills.

Warm regards,

Darren & Alison

The best part of me...

I love reading, listening and viewing the messages of artists. Whether it's a great movie, beautifully created meal (yes I was one of the 3.7 million Masterchef viewers), or meaningful lyrics in a song, I find it fascinating to think of the underlying meaning of a message.

A recent song I have been listening to, BreakEven (by Irish band The Script) has a great line that really got me thinking.

'What am I supposed to do,
when the best part of me was always you?'

The song is about breaking up, and that it never is an even, clean break, but this particular line got me thinking; aren't all the best parts of us from others?

I talked to Alison about this last night and asked her, 'What are the best parts of you?' Her reply was instant. 'Being a loving partner and a mum.'

One facet of the best of Alison (there are lots more if you ask me!) is because of the people in her family. When you think about it, the best parts of any of us are because of the people around us. In your situation, are you a great sister, a great brother, a great friend? What else are you great at?

One of my great strengths is assisting people understand their emotions and feelings. This magnificent gift I am blessed with is only because of others who have modeled and demonstrated this to me throughout the twists and turns of my life.

To answer the question posed...

'what am I supposed to do,
when the best part of me was always you?'

...the answer is quite simple. Thank the people around you. Without them we are less than...

kind regards,

Darren and Alison

info@changeworksnt.com

Give yourself a break

How was your workload coming into the end of the financial year?

Mine was just crazy! The last three months leading into June 30th were insane. I either had bitten off more than I could chew, or I had to deal with an unexpected glut of work tasks. Probably a little of both...

As the months progressed, from April into May, and then June, the pressure built and the days seemed to become shorter, whilst the to-do-list seemed to grow longer. Phew! It hurts just remembering it...

Then a strange thing happened. About two weeks ago things went quiet. I kind of woke up one morning at the start of the second week of July and had time to breathe. My to-do-list looked manageable. Sure there were still many things to catch up on, there was work happening, but for a tangible moment I felt on top of things.

Then a strange emotion kicked in. I felt guilty. Weird huh?

I had been working like crazy for as long as I could remember, and instead of taking a little time to plan, to catch up, to do those things I'd been frustrated at not being able to do, to just relax, here I was feeling guilty. Can you believe it? I am sure you can, because I think that many people are in exactly the same boat. For some, I'm sure, now is as busy as any time, but I am equally sure that some have hit a quiet spot after the crescendo of June 30th or are adjusting to a change of pace with school holidays finishing this week.

So why the guilt? I believe it comes from two key areas. I think it primarily comes from our incredibly well-developed stress response. We are so loaded with adrenalin for such a long time, that the adrenalin junkie within us craves more stimulation.

The other secondary reason for the guilt is social pressure. Our work environment lauds people who achieve huge workloads, or are perceived to be under huge workloads. Often when we ask someone ‘how's work?' a stock standard reply is ‘flat out' or words to that effect.

Well, I'm making a stand.

I am not going to feel guilty about a couple of quiet weeks (probably the only couple of weeks of the year too!) any longer. I will not crave the adrenalin. I will not feel the social pressure. I can, and will, give myself a break.

Hey, guess what... it feels good. I'm getting around to doing those things I wished I'd had time for only weeks ago. Why don't you try it next time you have a quiet week?

Give yourself a break.

Best wishes,

Alison & Darren Hill

Developing Human Skills

There are two types of skills used in any job.

These are the technical skills of the job, the skills that you need to be able to get the job done. For an accountant this may include the ability to use MYOB and other accounting software, knowledge and experience of taxation requirements etc. For a carpenter it is the ability to read building plans and the experience in using a range of tools of the trade. These technical skills are skills that we learn and develop through both formalised training and on-the-job learning.

The other type of skills needed in every job are human skills. These are the skills to be able to interact with, work with, communicate with, motivate and inspire other people. Whilst technical skills are generally taught through formal means often human skills are all too often left to chance. Recruitment decisions are based on a persons technical skills, with little or no weight given to a person's capacity to engage with customers or to get along with team members.

It is the capacity to engage with and effectively use these human skills that make one company, business, sales person, or individual stand out from their competitors.

The reality is that people buy people. They want relationships, they want to belong and be cared for. Whilst technical skills are essential, it is an individuals human skills make all the difference.

The secret is that human skills, like technical skills, can be developed and learnt, they dont' need to be left to chance.

To find out how Change Works can help you to develop human skills personally or within your organisation email us at: info@changeworksnt.com or check out our website: http://www.changeworksnt.com/.

We would love to hear your comments.

Warm wishes,

Darren and Alison